So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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