Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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