my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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