it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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