There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
