If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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