Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
