i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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