Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
