i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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