life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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