Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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