I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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