I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
