My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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