I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
