You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
