I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
