she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
