highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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