Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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