I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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