Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
