I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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