Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
