do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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