He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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