does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
