Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
