My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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