I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
