You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can I color on your dick again?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
