You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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