After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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