i just google imaged poop.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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