...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
