it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
