I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
