you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
