i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
