I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
