shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
