Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
