Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
