I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
