Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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