in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
