dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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