she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Randomize
