Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
