proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
