He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
