He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
