about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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