I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
