Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
